Khronicles of Kaptn Krunch

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Written by Kaptn Krunch

Monday, 12 July 2010 20:12

Khronicles of Kaptn Krunch

Even the hugest loser (me in high school) can get women once you get your head right. I have yet to meet a bigger loser with less skills at talking to women than I me in 9th - 12th grade. If you don't walk away thinking that you're not even 1/2 as pathetic as I was...And have a very good shot at getting women, I haven't done my part.

I'll begin by saying that yes, I am tall and have always been tall. In 8th grade, I was 5'8", and by 12th grade, I was 6'3". I was a bean pole. I weighed 160 in 12th grade at 6'3". As for looks, now, I'd rate myself a 7, with a 10 being someone like Brad Pitt (no homo)...So my story isn't coming from someone who was absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Nope, tall, overly skinny average guy.

We'll pick up the story in 10th grade. By the time I entered 10h grade, I had moved schools 9 different times, which ruined my self esteem. I almost never had more than 1 or 2 friends, and as such, mostly stayed home and played computer games. I had no clue how to talk to women, let alone have the confidence to even approach one. I'd go to school, keep to myself and come home to fap to the hot chicks that went to my school. I wanted more than anything to have sex. No, even simpler, I just wanted to kiss a girl...Hold her hand...anything.

And let the patheticness begin

Here's how oblivious I was to the opposite sex. I remember my 1st day in marching band (yes, I said marching band) my 10th grade year. We had to try on our marching band pants, so I picked through the pants in my size on the coat rack and tried one pair on. The smoking hot 12th grade drum major came up behind me, smiled and said, "your ass looks great in those pants". 100% sign of attraction, right. I had no clue, so just smiled and nodded, saying nothing.

Through out the next 2 months, she would drop blatant hints that she was interested, but I was to stupid to realize them.
Her:"Hey, Kaptn, you want to get lunch with me?"
Me: "Nah, I brought my lunch"
Her: "Kaptn, you doing anything this weekend?"
Me: "Just sitting at home"
Her: "Kaptn, you want me to teach you to drive stick?" (sexual innuendo or what)
Me: "Nah, that's ok"

God I was a fucking idiot! If she had flat out said, "Kaptn, I'm so horny, what are you going to do about it?" I'd have probably not realized her attempt at conveying attraction. I was hopeless...But GOD I wanted her so badly; all the while having no clue that she was attracted to me. So every night, go home, fap to hottie drum major.

By 11th grade, I moved to, yet another school and felt even more worthless. I talked to no one and had only my brother as a friend. I was pathetic. Funny thing was, I sold newspaper subscriptions door-to-door. I could talk home owners/renters into buying an overpriced newspaper subscription, but for some reason, that didn't translate over into any ability to talk to women (unless I was trying to convince them to buy a newspaper subscription).

Kaptn gets kissed for the 1st time
As badly as 11th grade had started, the 2nd half would turn out to be decent. By some stroke of luck, some 10th grade chick happened to like me and pursued me in ways even I would understand. She straight walked up to me and said, "Hey, you're taking me out on a date this Friday. Here's my #, call me". To which I said, sure. I took her out on 1 date, and she made all the moves since I had no clue what I was doing. She leaned in for the kiss and rammed her tongue down my throat. Woohoo I thought! I made it!

Unfortunately, my friends did not approve of my date with her. Looking back on it, they were jealous, but at the time, my friends approval > women. She's a whore they'd say. She's got a big butt (god that's a turn-on now) they'd say. Since I did not have their blessing (they were all losers too just like me), I stopped talking to her all together and got no farther than 1st base.

By the time I entered 12th grade, things were a bit better because I hadn't switched schools again. I had a wee bit more confidence because of that and as such, became only mostly a loser. As it happened, I was the only one in the marching band (yes, marching band again) that had smoked pot. This went MILES toward attracting the women that thought I was a "bad boy". Ok, so 1 freshman that thought I was a "bad boy". Since I had never really had a girlfriend before, I figured why the hell not. Again, I had to spit absolutely no game to get her, and once I had her, treated her like a Goddess.

Kaptn gets laid
Besides kissing, everything about women was totally new to me. As an excited 12th grader, I was pure testosterone and went balls to the wall for 2nd base, only to get shot down time and time again. No, she said the proper way into her pants (paraphrasing what she said) was to take her on dates & buy her shit I took her out every Friday and Saturday night and paid for everything. Flowers a few times per month. Chocolates. Romantic dates. You name it, I did it.

After a few months, I made it to 2nd base with a boob and ass grab. I WAS THE MAN! Or so I thought. Another month of dates/buy her shit and third base! Woohoo!!! Another 2 months and tons more $$ spent on her and she finally gave in and slept with me.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. Her mom was away at work and her sister was passed out from smoking too much weed (what a romantic mood lol). We went downstairs into the TV room and started making out like we had done 100's of times. I started removing her shirt & bra to bury my head in her titties. Since she was receptive to that, I figured, what the hell, lets go for the pants too. Holy shit she's removing my pants too?! Oh, shit I'm going to have sex, I thought.

I was nervous as hell and so I went through a mental check. Erection? Check. Well, that's good. Condom? Nope. fuck it, I don't care and apparently, neither did she (high schoolers are invincible of course). Houston, we have lift-off. Since I was a virgin, all I knew was missionary, so that's what we did. Rhythm? Forget about it. Was I good? Hell no. Now, I know that most people that post here say they had porn star stamina their 1st time (BS). I, did not. I busted in about 2 minutes flat, but I didn't care at all. I had fucked a woman...raw dicked to boot.

I exited high school with a girlfriend and devirginized. The only problem was that during the summer, we drifted apart because I wasn't dangerous enough for her. My super nice guy routine backfired. I bought her more shit than ever and took her on dates almost nightly. Didn't matter. Her departing words were, "You're the nicest guy ever". Oh, I was pissed. I got dumped for a fucking drug dealer. Why the hell does she want a drug dealer I asked myself? I had no clue and figured it was because he had a nice truck. God I was still clueless.

[College = next post] I promise my game gets better...eventually